Relationships

Janelle and I had a really good talk today - via Facebook chatting - about relationships.

She popped a question about why I wasn't in a relationship now.. and to be quite honest, I didn't know how to answer.

Am I refusing to be in a relationship?

Am I actively looking?

Single? Ready to mingle?

Or do I just don't give a crap?

I really don't know. But it just feels lonely. I'll be the first to admit that being single has it's highs and lows. And the lows surely do suck. When 80% of your friends are in relationships you begin to wonder what the hell is wrong with you.

Like the bridesmaid whose friends have all wed except her, I feel her pain and her inquiries.

I sure do have a sour spot for girls. I tend to be overcritical of them, and I tend to hold them in poor light. It's hard to come by brains and beauty is what I told Janelle... it really it. I want to have a down to earth gal who could care less about the things I do - though to a certain extent of course.

I've been watching a lot of Korean drama's lately, and one that struck me hard was a particular one where the hero didn't get the girl, his best friend was able to walk away with his "angel". And it seems as if I'm always dealt the poor hands. Like, recently, playing Poker online is total bullshit! I have been getting shitty ass hands, and I think it reflects my relationship with my friends.

I don't know what it is, but this summer feels as if I'm losing more than gaining, though I may be losing the fake friends and gaining real friendships. As many before me have said, "You find out who your real friends are through shared interests." That's definitely true. But does that leave out spontaneous relationships? Does that leave out the opposites attract law?

As I'm becoming more indulged with myself such as working out more often, pursuing military ideologies, and striving to become more bookwormish, I have lost many friends... and of course, potential girlfriends.

Talking to Janelle sort of opened my eyes. I'm extremely flirty... but I'm afraid of commitment... really? For once, my smart mouth didn't have a response. Because it's true. Why am I so afraid of commitment? Am I afraid of being hurt? Am I afraid of taking chances? One exercise that was recommended was that when I passed by a really cute looking girl, I should lock eyes and give a smile...

Though, that seems like an impossible task. Because the instant I spot a above-average looking girl, I immediately shy away (WOW! ME?!) and diverge my gaze elsewhere. This could reflect upon my views on relationships. I tend to shy away from commitment or even perhaps going beyond the whole 'dating' classification.

Truth be told, I don't want to date multiple girls to try to find the right one. I swear one day, this girl I'm talking about so much will pop out right under me... or perhaps I should stick to watching Wongfu videos. Hey? Who knows? I might star in my own exclusive role as the hero.

I consider myself a Nice Guy, with the emphasis on the 'ICE' part of Nice. Because man, I am DAMN COLD to girls. Haha... I'm going to make a pact with myself right now... come Fall semester, I'm going to try MY BEST to find someone. Whether she is miss perfect or not. I'm determined to put myself out there. I love meeting new people, and I love conversating with people.

To boil this down to a point.


Hello Ladies,

My name is Alan Duong, I am 19 years young, I love to...

Well, to be honest. I love you.


And in other words, darling, kiss me.